Kosovo

Balkan colosseum

In a colosseum gladiators were forced to fight each other or against some wild beast for the entertainment of the crowd. In Balkan, former-Yugoslavia in particular, different ethnic groups were exactly reenacting the colosseum show after 2000 years, only this time we watch the whole thing through the news program of our TV channel.

Of course there’s one big brother behind the whole show: The Western governments (or Germany in particular). Look at the political burlesque in Bosnia first. What’s the point of maintaining the country if Serbs and Bosnians, presumably share the comparable demographic size living in different regions with little overlapping settlements, never want each other in the first place? As expected, the pseudo-nationhood of Bosnia and Herzegovina never really works. If not for the carrot and the stick of the European Commission, BH wouldn’t exist in the first place (probably the term Bosnian either).

Then the stage shifts southward to Kosovo. It’s hard to convince me that the West is merely stupid and ignorant to interfere in a region that’s already messed up for decades in hope of solving those problems at once. I mean, there must be some other reasons other than a leftist scam. The situation in Kosovo is 10 times more screwed than that of Bosnia. The Albanian gangsterism is not something driven by the atrocity of Serbs in Balkan. It always has been there for years. NATO came, Serbs retreated. The next thing you know Albanian mafia runs the “country” now. If you say it’s a darn leftist scam. Then all right. Based on the principle of self-determinism, Albanians could probably get some kind of leftist legitimacy for the secession. But the implementation of the leftist principle seems to stop there, as apparently the northern Kosovo, which still remains predominantly Serbs demographically, is not allowed to rule by themselves and break away from Albanians Kosovo to join Serbia (They wouldn’t hesitate if they are allowed for a referendum). By leftist standards they are the minorities in Kosovo and therefore should be specially favored. Instead, NATO did everything they could to help the Albanians assert their authority over the Northern Serbs, over and over again. You expect the Serbs would just lay down and let them ravage over?

The most ridiculous part is, while EU find it extremely annoying to deal with the Serbs minorities in Kosovo, they simply turned shitface on Belgrade, blackmailing them if they dare to support their brothers down south they’d be forever banned from the possibility to join the mighty European Union. Well, eurocrats like to use this trick on Serbia. But do the eurocrats themselves really believe that one day Serbia would be part of the impeccable European Union (after their painful eastward expansion and economic crunch)? Unlikely. As far as I concern, they just want to nibble Serbia to the last straw, stripping off their privilege in Balkan after the fall of iron curtain. But then it leads to another question, why is EU so persistent in disintegrating the region just to screw up the Serbs? You don’t expect to tell me they do that just for the sake of many minority groups there so that they could be free from the Serbian despotism? The West never really considered Yugoslavia a major threat back in the days anyway. There must be another explanation about what they are really after in the region.

The good old days?

Kosovo Pljeskavica

We just can not get enough of it. After talking days and days about whoremonger DSK, starving Marvin, crappy train collision, and lunatic shooting rampage, I am having a directed attention fatigue. Let’s talk about something else.

What about a Kosovo pljeskavica? I am not sure if the Albanians eat giant grilled burgers, but definitely the Serbs love it.

Well, let’s hypothesize that’s the reason why Serbs beef with the Albanians in Kosovo. Pljeskavicaloving Serbs all of sudden were told they could not go to Kosovo to enjoy their favor pljeskavica anymore, for Kosovo used to produce the best quality among all Serbia since they lost Slovenia, Macedonia (oops, THE Macedonia), Croatia, Bosnia, and Montenegro. It was of course, the Albanian’s deliberate plan. After pretending to eat vegetables for years to please the NATO veggie-lovers of carrot sticks and broccoli bullets, Kosovo was finally at the hand of Albanians, for they could once for all finally smash the disgusting pljeskavica and toss them away to the deepest valley of the Šar Mountains. It’s nothing personal, Albanians just thought pljeskavica is an awful invention in the first place.

Of course Serbs were not happy about it. But after tasting NATO’s veggie arms for some years, they knew the herbivores are in fact raging bulls with big balls. So Serbia backed off, tearfully waving bye-bye to the best pljeskavica that would only stays in their memories (and pictures in the Serbian gourmet museum) forever. It was harsh for the Serbs. Can you imagine Americans without cheese burger, Dutch without cheese, and English without fish and chips? The scar never heals. However, there is still a tiny little part up in the Northern Kosovo where people are openly defying the anti-pljeskavica outcry. They thought if the rest of Kosovo doesn’t want to make pljeskavica they will make pljeskavica and sell it to all the pljeskavica loving Serbs and make big bucks! So they took up their Kalashnikov and fought for their rights to make the pljeskavica and transport them to Serbia. Meantime, Albanians were extremely upset by those little dissidents up in the North, so they turned to the NATOs, “Hey divine NATOs, those carnivore Serbs are making that disgusting big meat dish again, by killing animals and eat them!” It is NATOs’ sacred obligation to defend for the animals’right. Of course NATOs responded immediately in their cozy Humvee and intimidated all the barbaric pljeskavica-eater up in the North and made them all stay nicely and firmly at home. Then Albanians seized the opportunity behind the NATOs and handsomely took over the last pljeskavica-making restaurant in all of the Kosovo. There goes the hope to get rich for those remaining Serbs, but they swore they would one day get their pljeskavica back…

There ends the story. Oh, I forgot to mention? It turned out Albanians also happen to be digging the meat-dish pljeskavica very much after all (after I secretly googled on “Albanian pljeskavica“). So they have been planning to take over Kosovo to get the best pljeskavica for ages. As long as the NATOs gets a bit absent minded, they are going to make the best pljeskavica again and sell it to the double headed eagle kingdom of Albania for even bigger bucks. Everyone has the master plan, but Serbs were served first by the vegetarians for their obvious carnivorousness. The Albanians seem to be getting the best pljeskavica after all, or is it? Then how come their polices often got ambushed in the Northern border, every time when NATOs went to take a leak?

Best solution, let’s all switch to veggies, screw the barbaric meat eating habits.