Kosovo Pljeskavica

We just can not get enough of it. After talking days and days about whoremonger DSK, starving Marvin, crappy train collision, and lunatic shooting rampage, I am having a directed attention fatigue. Let’s talk about something else.

What about a Kosovo pljeskavica? I am not sure if the Albanians eat giant grilled burgers, but definitely the Serbs love it.

Well, let’s hypothesize that’s the reason why Serbs beef with the Albanians in Kosovo. Pljeskavicaloving Serbs all of sudden were told they could not go to Kosovo to enjoy their favor pljeskavica anymore, for Kosovo used to produce the best quality among all Serbia since they lost Slovenia, Macedonia (oops, THE Macedonia), Croatia, Bosnia, and Montenegro. It was of course, the Albanian’s deliberate plan. After pretending to eat vegetables for years to please the NATO veggie-lovers of carrot sticks and broccoli bullets, Kosovo was finally at the hand of Albanians, for they could once for all finally smash the disgusting pljeskavica and toss them away to the deepest valley of the Šar Mountains. It’s nothing personal, Albanians just thought pljeskavica is an awful invention in the first place.

Of course Serbs were not happy about it. But after tasting NATO’s veggie arms for some years, they knew the herbivores are in fact raging bulls with big balls. So Serbia backed off, tearfully waving bye-bye to the best pljeskavica that would only stays in their memories (and pictures in the Serbian gourmet museum) forever. It was harsh for the Serbs. Can you imagine Americans without cheese burger, Dutch without cheese, and English without fish and chips? The scar never heals. However, there is still a tiny little part up in the Northern Kosovo where people are openly defying the anti-pljeskavica outcry. They thought if the rest of Kosovo doesn’t want to make pljeskavica they will make pljeskavica and sell it to all the pljeskavica loving Serbs and make big bucks! So they took up their Kalashnikov and fought for their rights to make the pljeskavica and transport them to Serbia. Meantime, Albanians were extremely upset by those little dissidents up in the North, so they turned to the NATOs, “Hey divine NATOs, those carnivore Serbs are making that disgusting big meat dish again, by killing animals and eat them!” It is NATOs’ sacred obligation to defend for the animals’right. Of course NATOs responded immediately in their cozy Humvee and intimidated all the barbaric pljeskavica-eater up in the North and made them all stay nicely and firmly at home. Then Albanians seized the opportunity behind the NATOs and handsomely took over the last pljeskavica-making restaurant in all of the Kosovo. There goes the hope to get rich for those remaining Serbs, but they swore they would one day get their pljeskavica back…

There ends the story. Oh, I forgot to mention? It turned out Albanians also happen to be digging the meat-dish pljeskavica very much after all (after I secretly googled on “Albanian pljeskavica“). So they have been planning to take over Kosovo to get the best pljeskavica for ages. As long as the NATOs gets a bit absent minded, they are going to make the best pljeskavica again and sell it to the double headed eagle kingdom of Albania for even bigger bucks. Everyone has the master plan, but Serbs were served first by the vegetarians for their obvious carnivorousness. The Albanians seem to be getting the best pljeskavica after all, or is it? Then how come their polices often got ambushed in the Northern border, every time when NATOs went to take a leak?

Best solution, let’s all switch to veggies, screw the barbaric meat eating habits.

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2 comments

  1. I like your political sarcasm and vivid metaphor. Kosovo is indeed the most messed up region in Europe. But your post makes me wanna be a greedy carnivore to try that delicious dish. Lol

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